I’m terribly terrible at becoming a terrible person terribly

As much as I don’t want to lose you, I’m afraid I can’t live my life miserably because of a failure that wouldn’t become a success no matter how much I wanted it, and perhaps still want it, to become one.

Don’t get me wrong. I find it troubling that I find myself wanting to get over you.

Missing

It’s been two weeks since you left. Two solid weeks without you disturbing the air that surrounds me when you pass by, without you giving me that cold stare we’re both so capable and fond of, without you making everything else awkward for the both of us.

Without you, without you, without you.

I’ve always wondered since you left. About how you were on your first day, how your day was afterwards, and if you miss us or not. I even wonder, in some far-fetched manner, if you miss me too; if you even think about me.

And She’s Gone.

How much more will I have to lose, before my heart is forgiven?
How many more pain will I have to suffer, to meet you once again?

If a miracle were to happen, I would want to show you immediately
A new morning, who I’ll be from now on
And the words I never said called: “I Love You.”

If our lives could be restarted,
No matter how many times it will be I will go back to you
What I would wanted then would then be nothing
Nothing but just you.

I walked home today. It was a surprise activity even for myself. I found out how it would take me around 1.5 hours to get home from work using the shortest route. I also found out how I would end up talking to myself on how much stupid my life has become.

Today, the only reason for my not quitting work has left the office for good. I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. Hell, I couldn’t even do so much as talk to her. It’s been almost 2 years since we last spoke to one another and I’ve been trying so damn hard to look at other women but I couldn’t. The silence between us always bothered me and it would frustrate me to a point where I’d need to distract myself by talking or making jokes and doing crazy things. Now she’s finally had it with the company and as much as I want to admit that I could live normally without her, I can’t.

I simply can’t. It’s just not that easy.

Book Review: The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

I simply fell in love with the book cover. It’s not childish but rather drawn from youth or rather with a youthful perspective.

I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.

This is a first for me to start a review with a quote. This isn’t the best quote for me but this quote meant much more than my favorite. But I’ll get to this in a while. I’ll cover the little review and get on with the quotation afterwards.

Sigh

Do not feel sorry for me.

Let me play the helpless victim for once guys. I’m usually strong and I always know how to work around emotional stress but I really don’t have anyone to tell this to. So I’m hoping you would cut me some slack here as I tell you a bit of my own loneliness.

Dried-Up Tears: Two Fridays In A Row

Today, I just found out how foolish I was. Yes, you read that right, foolish. I feel like I’m the world’s dumbest dumb guy ever in the history of being dumb. All I’ve been doing to try and appease the beast was simply a fucking waste of time. The beast simply didn’t want me to try to make it and I go along. She simply wants someone else to appease her. So you know what? Screw her.