The 9th Soul

Letter to 266662

Posted in life, Special posts by Fated Blue on September 30, 2010

I’m writing this on a piece of scratch paper with a Sherlock Holmes book as a flat surface, on top of a pillow which is on my lap while sitting against the wall on top of my bed with FM Static’s “Tonight” playing repeatedly on my cellphone located atop the window pane in the right side of my bed. Yeah, I had to tell you that so you would know the history of this letter. Oh yeah, did I mention I’m crying my heart out while I’m writing this? There’re no tears though.

I don’t know where to start. It’s been a while since I last saw you. I remembered that moment where you walked away from me; from my life. It was the last day of school and it couldn’t come any earlier. We never fixed things through. I…I never fixed things. I was always coming up short on every attempt of peaceful reconciliation. I tried and tried. In the end, it was all I did. I’m a failure and I’m telling you this in this dumb letter. You were my everything and to you I was nothing. I didn’t care about that hence my insensitivity towards you. I’m sorry for being in love. I’m sorry for being unable to withdraw my feelings.

You probably don’t care about how I feel right now but this is my letter so you have no choice but to read it. I’m depressed and loveless; two words that shouldn’t be used in one sentence. But it’s true; I miss you very much. I don’t know why I can’t get over you and I probably will never know. Actually, I’d rather not know because if I did, then I’ll immediately know the solution and I don’t want that. I don’t want to get over you. I don’t want to stop loving you. Ever. I’ll live and die alone because of this but I don’t give a damn about it.

I love you and I’ll always do even if it’s killing me every time I get up and keeping me awake when I’m supposed to be asleep.

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