The 9th Soul

One of my dogs may say goodbye to us before this month ends.

Posted in health, life, Special posts by Fated Blue on March 19, 2011

Remember this post? This was from a year ago. She was able to cope with her tumor and I’m happy it wasn’t something that could get worse. Her problem right now may be her kidneys. I haven’t taken her to the vet yet and I will. I promise. I don’t know how but I will.

Her symptoms right now:

1. Lethargy/weakness

2. Loss of appetite

3. Excessive drinking

I tried making her eat and drink. She ate a few pieces of meat last night and today. She also drank lots of water. Since she seemed tired, this was all hand-fed. But after I came home from a trip today, my folks told me she stood and walked towards her drinking bowl and drank water but not eat despite the fact that her food bowl is right beside the water bowl.

She displayed this behavior last year, save for the excessive drinking. It was due to an external open wound on her tumor. After it healed up, she became what she used to be; as if nothing really happened. She run around, make me chase her, wrestle with her, chase me, etc. Now she’s all weak and thirsty.

I did a little googling and made a little assumption that this new disease that is haunting my dog is kidney failure. Chronic kidney failure (CRF) to be precise. CRF is known to affect mostly dogs with old age. I checked the symptoms:

increase in water consumption
• increase in urine production
• blood in urine or stool
lethargy and weight loss
loss of appetite or anorexia
• vomiting
• loss of muscle tone
• diarrhea
• gastrointestinal ulcers
• bad breath
• exercise intolerance

People at home told me she vomited yesterday. That makes the symptoms count to 4. I’m not too sure what to write after having more than 2 symptoms exist in my dog’s health problem. To be honest, I’m very sad. Very, very sad. I fear she won’t live long enough to see my brother graduate from high school nor would she live long enough to experience my money working to keep her happy, which I promised my sick dog last year after I graduated and started working.

I’ve read that this is incurable and treatment may only prolong her life from months to, if we’re lucky and she’s strong, years. I don’t know how to convince the folks yet but I’m willing to do these things myself. The only hard part would be transporting her to a vet and getting the urine sample (I can’t exactly be there when she urinates since it’s random). She seems very tired and lifting her up will be very hard for me and my dog. She might not even like it.

I’m really scared. I can’t live with my pets dying. I already had 2 dogs (Barkly and Cable) die on me and the deaths were so unbearable. I always cried and felt sorry for how useless I was to them.

Damn, I’m tearing up. I’ll try to get her to a vet if she cooperates enough. If she shows signs of pain or discomfort, I might just accept the fact that she’s simply too old and too weak to even walk and will simply have her last days on Earth lying around all because her master was so slow in noticing the symptoms.

I offer a prayer.

Dear God, please make my dog’s death, be it now or in the future, be as peaceful as it could be. Don’t make her feel pain nor make her suffer while she is in this state. Give me the strength to bare with her until her last breath. She’s been a great dog to me for at least 11 years. You know I’d gladly give some of my life for my dogs since they know me more than most people do. They always listened to me whenever I tell them stories. They would always know when I felt betrayed, sad, or angry and they would help me get these feelings off by simply being there, licking my hands or legs or merely being cute in front of me.

God, this last year may be your blessing after the events of last year and I’m quite thankful for this past wonderful year and all the years you’ve given my dog, potchi, and me together with her little sister patchi. If she was really meant to die last year but you gave in to my prayer and made her live one more year then I really, really thank you for it. I can no longer ask for anymore. It’s just that I’m not ready yet, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready.

God, I want to blame myself for being ignorant and naive when it comes to pet care. Part of my sadness stems from the fact that I wasn’t really there for her and I was just using her for my own personal happiness and not really giving her anything except food, water, shelter, and love. I’d gladly relive the past 11 years and make everything right for me and my dog. I’d make sure to protect her from anything because she would always protect me from anything.

Please help her in her time of illness. Amen.

Despite all this, I can’t seem to imagine me being with her as she slowly fades away. It’ll crush me but I know she’d want me to hold her all the way. I’ll fight this with her. I’ll try to prevent the inevitable for as long as I can. And when her time really has to come, I’ll get my brother to say his last words to her and I’ll make a vet ease her suffering.

I promised not to cry yet here I am, sobbing my sorry ass off for being useless again.

PS: I’m not sure when my 2 other dogs  (Barkley and Cable) were born but I’m sure Potchi and Patchi was born on August 2000 and August of 2001 respectively.

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