I can’t exactly say I’m in my best state of mind at this very moment. Work related stress, physical and mental fatigue, sad songs and a bottle of water plus the time I’m posting this. Coincidentally, this is what you may call my drunken state.
In this state, I am able to say things with utmost apathy on what may happen to me or its repercussions towards other people. I’m feeling drowsy but my hands keep on typing. My eyes want to close their half-open lids and just stop looking at any source of light. My body wants the comfort of the soft pillows and a firm mattress.
So I better say it before I pass out. This is the closest I can get to being drunk right now.
I think I’ll never be able to recover from the current state of ugliness I’ve willfully locked myself in simply because I didn’t know the actions that I should’ve done and the words I should’ve said almost 4 months ago.
No. It goes far beyond that time but my life took a whole new turn 4 months ago.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can’t get over certain things in life specially if I put high value in them. And surely, I can’t get over certain people if I put high value in them.
And I ended up putting value much higher than I could afford on someone and now I can’t reach her. I dug myself a hole which is slowly beginning to collapse on me. The weird thing? I feel that it’s okay for it to just bury me under, ending this cycle of short-lived euphoria and long-term loneliness.
Oh, what I’d do to make it all okay; to be the right person at the right time with exactly the right decisions to make.