Ditching the old for the new
It has been a long while since I ever really wanted to write here. I have to say March is not without its own fun and terrors; excitement and boredom. Is this still the right life I’m living? I don’t know. What I do know is that I’ve taken measures to take hold of my life and not let it sway with the rest of tide’s bullshit. I haven’t told ANYONE at all. It’s a secret I have to keep as long as I can hold my tongue. The itch to scream about it is sometimes too much that I have to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t have to think about it.
I’m not even mentioning it in this blog but I really will do something major this April that I’m no longer going to be some stagnant wannabe yuppie, drooling on the easy success of others. No more of that. Everyone I know will presumably be so upset about my actions but it’ll just have to act as a filter to see who my real friends are. It’s upsetting for them but glorifying for me. I haven’t kept this kind of secret for so long. I haven’t even told my special friend at work and she knows my deepest, but not my darkest, secrets.
I’ll be doing some final things this month if all goes well. I might even have to fight with my boss about my decision to teach myself, and the people at work, a dire lesson they all need. I’ve become treacherous but for a cause that would alter my state of life forever. I cannot further stress the fact that perhaps I’m rushing everything but I’ve simply grown tired of a routine I didn’t make for myself.
There is no order in total freedom. Freedom with order is just a definition of – or at least in the making – chaos. And I don’t want to lead a chaotic life.
Someone said it’s better to burn out than to fade out; to live life as if you’re one gigantic bonfire and burn everything to a crisp until the very embers of your soul turn to dust. And that is the only way you can really know for certain that the life you had was the best life you would’ve lived at all. Belief in a bunch of parallel universes will not change it. Because you yourself know that until the very last hemp, you were happy. And being happy up until the day you die is a rarity that compares to the eventful choosing of a messiah from some book that about a billion people believe to be true and literally believed in.
Be the fire that burns your soul. Ignite and change everything around you. Yearn for the freedom you always wanted. Let go of order.