The 9th Soul

I’m terribly terrible at becoming a terrible person terribly

Posted in life, Special posts by Fated Blue on March 29, 2014

As much as I don’t want to lose you, I’m afraid I can’t live my life miserably because of a failure that wouldn’t become a success no matter how much I wanted it, and perhaps still want it, to become one.

Don’t get me wrong. I find it troubling that I find myself wanting to get over you.

I just happen to be terribly terrible at being a terrible person terribly and although I can brood over this for an eternity and more, I think I owe it to the people I love and who love me to be someone better than this pile of shit I’ve become ever since you disappeared.

My sentences are becoming incoherent and my mind goes blank every now and then. I’m the complete opposite of what an opposing side is. I’m no longer strong since I’ve allowed myself to become weak.

My heart no longer beats but trembles fearfully out of some droplet of passion mixed in the blood that runs through my veins and throughout my body which is my emotional attachment to you. I’ve allowed my love for you to take over me and forget me and everything and everyone else.

Then you vanished and I was left empty and utterly lifeless.

Darling, I could never whisper to you the words I wanted you to hear me screaming. I still love you but I’m unable to love you knowing you’re already in the best hands that could ever hold you and keep you warm.

====

My love, you’re already someone else’s.

My love, you belong with him.

My love, you will never love me.

My love, you were never mine to begin;

Not ever, not at all.

====

I hope he loves you right. I wish he treats you perfectly.

I pray my love would somehow reach you.

May it protect you from the many things I myself couldn’t.

I want him to love you more than I ever could.

====

When you left you took my heart with you.

I’ve let you keep it for a long time.

I’d like to have it back now, please.

I still love you but I can’t let you have the rest of me anymore.

There are those who need me with a heart yet

I’ve only shown them heartlessness.

They need me back, to be quite frank about it.

====

I’ll let you be so long as God or destiny is behind the travesty of our fates.

If you ever get hurt, however, I’ll know and I’ll come and put your pieces back together.

And I’ll make sure he turns to pieces himself.

Just saying.

=====

Stay safe my, perhaps no matter how absurd and utterly improbable, one true beloved.

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