The 9th Soul

Life Update September 2014: New Work, New Life

Posted in life, Special posts by Fated Blue on September 6, 2014

I haven’t written something like this in a while. Let’s see, where do I begin? Ah! First and foremost, I have resigned from my beloved company of three years and nine months. Nothing too personal or hurtful; I simply wanted change and I figured the change has involve leaping away from my safe-zone which was what my previous company was.

What do I mean by safe-zone? Well I literally grew up both socially and emotionally in that company; I’ve earned the respect of everyone in that office and the offices the company is also connected to; I can practically do whatever I want and not be punished simply because everyone is comfortable with the way I am. Even if I probably wouldn’t become rich working there, my previous company is something I can literally be happy and comfortable waking up to for the rest of my life. I found perhaps the greatest of my friends there, I formed some of the most unbreakable bonds with the people, I’ve seen perhaps the most beautiful woman I could ever dream of, and I felt the most gut-wrenching heartbreak I had ever encountered but never, ever regretted.

You’d think I’m crazy for resigning from such a great place. Well, maybe I am. But sometimes you have to be a bit crazy to get the most out of life and I decided to take a risk.

I figured life isn’t about walking a plateau: safe, steady, and boring, but trying to climb a mountain and falling several times while doing it but never staying down. I figured life is about struggling to maintain control of the uncontrollable and attempt to reach a goal which is intangible. I figured life is about going into dark places, looking for a way out, with only a hint of light as a guide. I figured life, in it’s natural and primordial state, is all about living and not just existing or surviving.

I lived while I was with my previous company but right now, I want to live more. And sometimes living more means going to places you’re not so sure about and that’s part of the lesson you learn and end up teaching your children or your grandchildren or your friend’s grandchildren’s pet husky that won’t stop licking your hand whenever you touch its nose.

One personal reason, a concrete reason, is that I’ve had my share of bad (or perhaps worst?) memories inside that office and I find it oddly disturbing that my mind can’t seem to just hide them from me. Sure, I got all the friends I need but sometimes being with a lot of people can’t cure you of loneliness. It only really acts like a painkiller; it makes you forget you’re in pain for a while but only for a while.

Another good reason is that I need to plan my future right and the company’s current financial staples towards its employees are anything but helpful. It’s not just about the money (because if it was just about that, I would have written articles for twice the money years ago) but the rate at which I’ll be able to grow. Grow as in not just as an employee but as an individual who refuses to live life without at least trying to make it better for himself and for those who cared about him. Also, I’m turning 25 this September 25th (25 on 25) and I want to have my second chance at this as early as possible. I want to do things while having something soft to land on if I fall again.

One more reason is that I want to fix myself. As with my first personal reason, I’ve become broken and I don’t want to live life as a broken person. Being broken is dangerous not just to yourself but to others as well; like drinking from the broken edge of a mug. The mug can literally shatter into pieces but may also harm the drinker and we don’t want that. I have to reset my life without forgetting the lessons I’ve learned in the past, specially the recent past.

Now I’m at my new work. I started last Monday and I’ve so far enjoyed the whole week with them. Sure enough, I’m still in the honeymoon stage but I have a feeling things will start to get better even as they get worse. It’s still the same type of job but with more perks and more potential for me to learn new things. I also feel that this change is crucial in my life that I’ll be looking back one day and telling myself how wise I was to have made such a bold decision.

I miss my friends but luckily there’s a whole plethora of social networking sites that revolve around Facebook so I won’t have trouble keeping up with whatever it is that’s currently happening back there. Although I’m pretty sure I’ll be getting those lonely days, having those “I wish I was there” moments in my head but no matter. It’s all part of living.

I promised myself that I’ll make them proud of me.

I’ll struggle but I’ll never stop.

I won’t regret because only fools regret.

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