The 9th Soul

First Love by Fated Blue

Posted in life, Special posts by Fated Blue on September 23, 2015

“You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

“huh?”

“When you were talking to her at the other table, I saw the way you looked, no, stared at her.

You don’t look at me that way and for the longest time I’ve always wondered if there was something missing, something I haven’t done but now I know.

Those eyes…those eyes are really for someone else.”

“Wait, it’s not what y-”

“It’s alright. I mean, she’s really pretty and I should know. I’m a woman after all and her beauty is deeper than what she’s showing. Besides, I guess one reason you found me beautiful was because I resemble her a bit. Everyone tells me I’m the most beautiful woman in the world but what is it good for when I’m not in yours?

I saw it in her eyes too. She has feelings for you and I guess I’m making it hard for her to tell you that. But you should tell her how you feel first. That’s how she would want it. I’m sure of that. (I feel that our semblance is not just skin deep; that we share the same traditional preference when it comes to love. That’s how you won me over besides you just being yourself).”

“I don’t understand, I…”

“What I’m saying is that I think it’s time for us to call it quits.”

“…”

“My life is in Japan and yours is clearly right here. Even if we stayed together, it would all just be for pretend. We’ll only make it difficult for both of us. (I’ll make you miserable too)

With me going back to singing again, us breaking up would’ve happened eventually. I’m not exactly a fan of long distance relationships either so I’m sure it would’ve never worked out. (I want it to but wanting won’t make it happen)

Like you always said, it’s better to cash in while you’re winning or else you’ll go home hurting. (but this hurts so much)”

“Wait, you mean this-”

“So I guess this is goodbye…”

“…”

We stared at each other in silence for what could have been a minute to an infinity. We both knew this was the right thing to do. We just smiled at each other, you looking so cute and nerdy and me with the “model face” you always loved teasing. It was the last thing we both did and me stepping out of your car was my life stepping out of yours. It’s silly yet fitting for such an ending.


As you drove away I couldn’t help but stare at the bright moon we once kissed under.

I wanted to tell you so much more but I feared if did that, I may not be able to hold the tears back, the way I fail to do now. I wanted to kiss you one last time but I’m sure I would end up swallowing all the things I’ve said, confusing you even more.

It was fun while it lasted. No, fun would be an insult. What we had was nothing short of heavenly, so much that I know for sure I will never be as happy again than when we were together. But I know you will be and I’m happy for you. I really am.

I still remember how we met five months ago; five short months ago. Then again how could I forget in the first place? It was one of the best days of my life and something I’ll be using maybe as an inspiration to a song or an entire album. I want to immortalize what we had in the best way I can and that’s through singing. And each time someone listens to them they’ll feel what we both felt. Some will cry, some will smile, but one thing’s for sure: they will all love it the way I love you.

It was a snowy afternoon. It was your first day, first time, in Japan and you had all these bags with you. I was hiding from the paparazzi when I bumped into you by accident, both of us stumbling. You were stunned as you recognize who I was. You couldn’t find the words to even introduce yourself when you saw the cameras. It only took you a second to know what was going on.

We ran and hid inside a noodle house and ended up eating the chef’s biggest bowl of ramen together in exchange for his silence. It ended up being free as the chef’s daughter was a fan of my latest album and he only asked for my autograph and a picture. By the time we were done, we were so full we couldn’t stand up for a while but we laughed it off.

We walked back to my apartment that same night since you prepared for everything but forgot about the hotel. You told me all these stories and how you were so excited to visit Japan that the hotel totally went out of your head. You were clumsy that way and I love you for it.

I really do.

==============

I started this when I was listening to Yuna Ito‘s Endless Story,Precious (Yuna Ito song), and Truth (Yuna Ito song). But I completed it with the final changes with HIRAI KEN‘s First Love. It sounds weird but I want to go to Japan because somehow I feel that what (or who?) I’m looking for is in that beautiful country. But just as how this story ended, I also feel that an act of God will lure me back here, back home but for that to happen I have to get lost first. How else can you be found?

I also wrote this under my Fated Blue persona which explains why it’s so heartfelt and full of love. I usually lack both.

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