The 9th Soul

A recurring jolt of pain at the center of my chest

Posted in life, Special posts, Uncategorized by Fated Blue on September 22, 2019

Sometimes…

When I’m alone, somehow thoughts of a “special” someone crash open the gates of my otherwise barricaded subconsciousness. And my thoughts tell me that she’s out there, waiting for something extraordinary to happen to her.

And while she waits, she’ll suffer on the inside as she stays strong on the outside, holding everyone’s shit together like they’re hers.

This happens a lot at night, even more when no one’s at home, especially when I’m listening to some sad Japanese songs during the day.

I feel like she’s waiting for me, and that I should go to her.

…and listening to Aimer makes me feel like she’s in Japan.

I’m just…bothered. I’m almost 30 years old as of this writing (literally three days away), and I’m having an existential crisis manifesting itself as an emotional longing for someone with a similar fate, with the same playing cards I have in life.

Is this temporary? Is this triggered by the breaking of the 30-year barrier? Is this thought valid both mentally and emotionally?

I don’t know. All I know is, right now I feel like she’s waiting for me, and my heart longs for her.

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