The 9th Soul

Peer Pressure

Posted in Uncategorized by Fated Blue on April 14, 2021

She was the last exciting thing to happen to me.

It’s been 7 years since I last saw her, and it was as she drove away from me.

She never liked me as much as I liked her, but the experience of being around her was and still is worth remembering.

I haven’t kept tabs on her, but last year a mutual friend said she got married amidst the pandemic.

I’m glad she found someone worth marrying.

Reading my old Yahoo! Inbox

Posted in Uncategorized by Fated Blue on December 3, 2020

If I were to trace back the first time I told myself I will likely be single for the rest of my life, it would have to be during my first year in college, shorty after realizing that the girl I had a thing for had other prospects in mind.


Being 16, I think that kinda stirred me to a rather “irregular” trajectory as far as coping with being in love was concerned. What it ultimately lead to was me actively suppressing anything that would betray this emotion I just didn’t know how to use.
The suppression made me react to my “feelings” in an unorthodox and annoying manner, which ends up becoming more of a pushing force than something that would reel someone in.


I’m writing this now because I was looking at REALLY old emails from my practically dead Yahoo! inbox, and I realized that at some point, I was in good terms with the girl I gave a frying pan to – that we once were part of the same group of friends and that we worked together on school projects before.
I don’t really remember this part of my life, but now it’s making me feel…disturbed.

Wrong Number

Posted in Uncategorized by Fated Blue on November 11, 2020

Totoo pala na habang tumatanda, mas lalo tayong nagiging parang isip bata sa dami ng mga bagay na bigla nating kinakatakutan, tulad ng pagiging mag-isa.

Kasi naisip ko lang, nakakatakot palang mamuhay ng walang kasama; ng walang kausap at walang nangi-istorbo sa ginagawa mo.

Nakakatakot pala na paggising mo mula sa isang masamang panaginip, kadiliman at katahimikan lamang ang kakamusta sa’yo.

Kapag masama ang pakiramdam mo, walang magsasabi sayo kung nasaan ang gamot o kung anu ang magandang inumin. Wala ring magpapakulo ng tubig kapag umuwi kang basang-basa sa ulan para kahit papaano maginhawaan ka sa pagligo.

Minsan naiisip mo kung anu nga ba ang pinagkaiba ng bahay mo sa isang bedspace o maliit na apartment. Bahay pa nga ba ito, o isang malaking tulugan na lang?

Kung anung itsura ng bahay mo nang iniwan mo ito, siya ring itsura nya pagdating mo. Di ka na ginaganahang magluto, magwalis, o magbukas ng ilaw at bintana. Tuwing umaga, nagmamadali kang umalis. Pagsapit ng gabi, wala kang ganang umuwi.

Mabibilang mo nalang ang mga salitang lumalabas sa bibig mo pag nasa bahay ka. Huni ng ibon, tahol ng aso, pagbusina ng sasakyan, nagaaway na kapitbahay, mga natitirang bakas na hindi lang mga kanta mula sa internet ang kayang marinig ng bahay mo.

Masuwerte nalang kung may nagkamali ng pag dial sa telepono at tumawag sa’yo, para kahit papaano maalala ng bahay mo kung anu ang pakiramdam na may nakatira pang isang tao bukod sa’yo.

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A recurring jolt of pain at the center of my chest

Posted in life, Special posts, Uncategorized by Fated Blue on September 22, 2019

Sometimes…

When I’m alone, somehow thoughts of a “special” someone crash open the gates of my otherwise barricaded subconsciousness. And my thoughts tell me that she’s out there, waiting for something extraordinary to happen to her.

And while she waits, she’ll suffer on the inside as she stays strong on the outside, holding everyone’s shit together like they’re hers.

This happens a lot at night, even more when no one’s at home, especially when I’m listening to some sad Japanese songs during the day.

I feel like she’s waiting for me, and that I should go to her.

…and listening to Aimer makes me feel like she’s in Japan.

I’m just…bothered. I’m almost 30 years old as of this writing (literally three days away), and I’m having an existential crisis manifesting itself as an emotional longing for someone with a similar fate, with the same playing cards I have in life.

Is this temporary? Is this triggered by the breaking of the 30-year barrier? Is this thought valid both mentally and emotionally?

I don’t know. All I know is, right now I feel like she’s waiting for me, and my heart longs for her.

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Four weeks with Anki to learn Japanese

Posted in life, Uncategorized by Fated Blue on September 14, 2019

Originally posted on Facebook Sep 14 2019 11:30

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It’s been exactly one month since I started using the AnkiDroid app to learn Japanese. My daily routine for 30 days consist of learning right after I wake up, then reviewing the words and phrases I’ve learned around 4 or 5 pm and just before I sleep. It takes roughly an hour in total everyday. Sometimes slightly more.

Granted I would have learned more in an actual school with actual books and classmates, the fact that the app is free and can easily be accessed without internet (just download the “lessons”), I say the app really does the job.

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Week 2 with Anki to learn Japanese

Posted in life, Uncategorized by Fated Blue on September 14, 2019

Originally posted Sep 6 2019 20:25

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Two weeks in with the Anki app to learn Japanese. The main problem I have right now is knowing whether a kanji character is supposed to be spoken/read the same way in various phrases and sentences.

The character “ima” (currently/now) is used in the beginning for both kotoshi (this year) and kesa (this morning).

Then the kanji for home (pronounced as u-chi) can also be pronounced/read as “ie” if the meaning is “house.”

I’m trying to find a pattern here (noting if the pronunciation is different if it starts the phrase or is in the middle), but it’s really tough.

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My first week with Anki to learn Japanese

Posted in life, Uncategorized by Fated Blue on September 14, 2019

Originally posted on Facebook Aug 30 2019 19:06

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Okay, so I’ve been using this app called Anki (free on Android) to learn conversational Japanese for six days now and I realized learning the language is not as hard as I imagined it.

I got the app idea from this popular JVlogger Chris Broad from his channel “Abroad in Japan” (I definitely recommend it btw) and it really helps with some basic stuff. If you’re interested, go get the “Japanese Core 2000 Step 01” that comes with listening, sentences, reading, and vocabulary.

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