The 9th Soul

Pansamantala

Posted in life, Special posts by Fated Blue on September 13, 2014

“May iba pa ba?”

Tinanong nya ‘ko habang nagsusuot ako ng pantalong pilit nyang pinatanggal sa’kin kanina lang. Kasalukuyan syang nakaupo sa kama nya, kumot lang ang saplot. Nauwi kami sa condo nya sa Makati. Di ko pa mahanap yung polo kong nabuhusan ng alak gawa ng inuman namin ngayong gabi.

“Oo, pero ikaw ang una. Bakit?”

Tila nagpakita ng bahid ng kalungkutan ang mukha nyang sanay sa ngiti. Marahil ito ay dulot ng pagkadismaya sa pagkadiretso ng sagot ko sa kanya.

“Ah, ganun ba,” sabi nya “Pero lahat ba sila tulad ko?”

“Panung tulad mo?” Napatigil ako sa pagbibihis ko. Naupo ako sa tabi nya, sabay haplos sa hubad nyang mga balikat. Ramdam ko ang tensyon at ang pinanggagalingan ng mga tanong nya pero di ko alam kung dapat nga ba akong sumagot.

Dahan-dahan syang tumingin sa mga mata ko habang hawak ang kamay ko sa balikat nya. “Mga tulad ko na may boyfriend na o kaya malapit na ikasal. Yung ibang babae rin ba, ganun din?”

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Jenny the Prostitute

Posted in life, Special posts by Fated Blue on September 3, 2010

Is it possible for a prostitute to find true love? I’ve always wondered the answer to this question. My search has led me to a prostitute who goes by the name of Jenny. The answer I got was something I didn’t expect.

Here’s my story…

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Kalahating Oras

Posted in life by Fated Blue on February 27, 2009

Ano ba ang magagawa ng tatlumpung minuto sa buhay natin?

Summer time. Nagka outing kaming buong section sa resthouse ng classmate namin sa Laguna. Naisipan naming mag Enchanted Kingdom bago umuwi, dahil lahat kami ay maghahanap na ng trabaho pagkatapos ng linggong ito. Oo, graduate na kami. Apat na taon din ang ginugol namin bago kami makarating sa kung ano kami ngayon. Apat na taong puno ng saya at lungkot. Apat na taong paghihirap at ginhawa. Akalain mo nga naman, parang kailan lang, lahat kami pawang estranghero sa isa’t isa. Ngayon, huling pagkikita na namin. Buhay talaga, sa una lang masaklap. Pero sa huli, talagang aasamin natin ang pagkasaklap nito. Lalo na’t marami kang bagay na nasimulan, ngunit di mo natapos.

Sa loob ng apat na taong iyon, maraming nangyari na di mo aasahang mangyari. Tulad ko nalang, di ko ninais magmahal ng babae sa kolehiyo dahil itinuring ko ito bilang hadlang sa aking mga pangarap sa buhay. Nais ko munang umunlad, magpakatalino, magpakayaman. Sino ba ang ayaw maging magaling? Buong buhay-kolehiyo ko itong iniisip. Di ako sumasama sa mga gimik, sa mga party, at sa mga sleepovers na ginagawa ng section ko. Una, dahil wala akong bisyo. Pangalawa, dahil mas ginusto ko pang magaral nalang kaysa ubusin ko ang oras ko sa mga bagay na makakapagpa-engganyo lang sa akin ng sandali. Syempre, inisip ko ang long run ng buhay ko. Inisip ko na pag nagloko ako ngayong kolehiyo, baka masira ang mga pangarap ko. Matagal kong tiniis ang pagka-inggit sa mga ngiti ng mga kaklase ko tuwing lalabas sila. Matagal ko ring inasam na makita silang lasing kung talaga ngang nakakatawa ang mga pinaggagawa nila. 

Sumali nalang ako sa outing ng section namin para naman maramdaman ko kung anu ang saya na nararamdaman nila.So far so good. Puro kami tawa at kwela buong outing. Hinayaan ko lang silang uminom samantalang ako nama’y pinanood silang mag-gaguhan habang lasing. Nakakatawa nga sila. Ilan beses din nila akong kinumbidang maki-inom na din. Tumanggi na lamang ako dahil di ako naniniwala sa sarap na dulot ng alak. At isa pa, madali akong ma-adik sa mga bagay-bagay na masarap. Natatakot naman akong lumaking lasenggo at malaki ang tyan.

“Guys baba na tayo! EeeKay na!” 

“EeeKay! EeeKay! EeeKay! EeeKay!”

Nakarating na pala kami sa Enchanted Kingdom. Tagal ko nang di napunta dito. Huling apak ko sa lugar na ‘to 3rd year hayskul pa. Nakakamiss nga naman ang mga rides na talagang babaliktarin ang sikmura mo. Noon isang ride na nakakatakot lang ang sinakyan ko, yun ang Anchor’s Away. Nakakatakot ito para sakin dahilan sa may takot ako sa mga matataas na lugar at sa pakiramdam na nahuhulog. Pero ngayon, balak kong tapatan ang takot na nararamdaman ko at sasakyan ko, ng kahit isang beses man lang, ang lahat ng nakakatakot na ride dito. Susulitin ko na rin ang Ride-All-You-Can ng EK. 

Nakalipas ang ilang oras, halos mawalan na ko hininga sa pagod na nararamdaman ko. Pagod sa kakahanap ng masasakyan, pagod sa kakapila, at higit sa lahat: Pagod sa kakasakay sa mga rides na talagang humuhugot ng sikmura. Pero masaya naman ako at nagawa ko ngang harapin ang takot ko. Dahil na rin siguro at kasama ko ang mga kaklase ko. Patapangan ba naman ang dating! 

Inabot na kami ng gabi, talagang binalak naming magpagabi para naman makita namin ang fireworks display ng EK. Ewan ko lang sa inyo, pero di ko ito naabutan. Sabi nila korni daw, walang excitement. Sa akin naman, basta makita ko lang kahit isang beses lang masaya na ko. Minsan lang naman ako mapadpad dito, ba’t di ko pa lulubusin?

Biglang naisipan ng grupo na magsama-sama na ang mga mag-on. Ewan ko ba kung bakit nila naisip yun, Di naman karamihan ang magkarelasyon sa section namin. Sinabi ko ito sa kanila, kaya ang ginawa nalang ng class president namin: Pumunta sa bagong gawang Tunnel of Love at mag random pair-up doon. Maraming babae kaysa lalaki sa section namin. Ayos lang naman sa iba kung babae sa babae dahil magkakaibigan naman sila. Eh paanu kaming mga lalaki? siguro ayos lang sa mga guy classmates ko kung mag-pair up sila sa babae dahil lagi naman silang gumigimik. Eh ako?! mapupuno ng katahimikan ang bangkang sasakyan namin ng partner ko. Kung alam ko lang, di na sana ako nagsalita pa tungkol dito.

Napilitan na lamang akong pumila. Last day na nga naman namin bilang magkakaklase, bahala na lang kung anung kagaguhan ang maganap. Sana lang matino ang makasama ko.

Lahat naman ng nauna sa ‘kin ayos lang talaga na mag-partner sila. Sabi ng nga nauna, talaga daw maganda sa loob, 30 minutes daw yung isang pasada. Di mo iisiping ganoon pala kahaba ang byahe. Dahil na rin siguro para sa mga gustong magkaroon ng sariling oras, lalo na sa mga taong may mahal sa buhay. Talagang magiging sweet ang moments ng magkarelasyon sa loob.

Paanu naman yung hindi?! Paanu na’ko?!

Dumaan ang ilang sandali, at ako na pala ang susunod. Ilang beses nang dumaan sa isip ko na mag-backout  sa kalokohang ako ang dahilan kung bakit nangyayari. May harang pala sa bawat pares so talagang di mo malalaman kung sino ang kasama mo hangga’t di ka nakapila sa mismong pasukan. Nabigla na lamang ako sa naging partner ko.

 

TO BE CONTINUED HERE

Lost Words

Posted in Random, Special posts by Fated Blue on September 18, 2008

“There are words when left unspoken, are left in still time forever”

There were two people, they were young, they were foolish, they were in love. Their families are of different worlds. The girl is of a rich elite family who is known to own the land with power and strictness, the boy is from a family of decent living people who have joined a group of rebels to dethrone the elite family. With this issue they knew their love cannot be known. As time went by, these two lovebirds sought each other everyday, everynight. Knowing that their longing can no longer be supressed by minimal contact, they sought to run away, run away from the people who are opposed to their love, run away from this war, run away from the despair of their life. Run away…Run away…

Together, they left the country only with what they need to live: each other. Some may say this is a risk worse than falling in a bottomless pit, for they will suffer the pains of regret and the pains of life itself, ’til they doom themselves to each other’s deaths. But, they knew that within themselves, pain, despair, and anger will be nothing if they were to share their love for an eternity.

Inside their hearts, they knew that the path which they have chosen is a path full of thorns, and both of them are walking barefooted. Still, they mind not the pain, for the price of love cannot be judged by the pain they will feel, the love they have offered and still to offer each other will be priceless.

As they looked at each other’s eyes while they walk in calmness and security, they noticed that the other wants to kiss. To kiss at a time of haste, how much love can they possibly have? they stop, and as their faces come close to each other, the sound of alarms, bells, horns, and lights flickering at the sky signalled danger for them. Their silent escape has been found out! Oh but how? they have time not on their side to stand still and ponder of the reason, so they run, holding each other, they flee.

As they flee from the noise and the lights, they hear vehicles around them, in pitch black darkness where stars fuel the midnight light, it’s not hard to see the dimmest of bright. They try and try to escape the lights and the noise, but to no avail. Soon, they found themselves surrounded, with a mountain face behind them, by a group of armed men. These men are from the girl’s side of the family. They now face a terrible obstacle in front of them, an obstacle in which is impossible to overcome.

The lovebirds fear for themselves and each other, they have just began the moments of their freedom, but why would it end in such a horrific manner? Surely both of them will not be allowed to feel the gust of the outside air after this.

The boy left out a deep sigh…the girl ponders if her lover finally gave up. Then she saw him smile at her, he held her hand. Surprised, she replied with a happy smile together with her tearful eyes full of life.They ran towards the army of men in front of them and they both tried to barge their way through, to build a path in which the both of them would walk together till the end of time.

Just then, a gunshot was heard. A terrible sound to be heard at a time of supposed peace and quiet. A sound which echoed through out the forest, clearing up the birds sleeping amidst the trees. Noone knew where or whom the gunshot was fired from. Then a spotlight was focused on the ground. There they find the boy lying face towards the sky, with his eyes now empty from the colors of life. Tears continue to flow, for this may be the only thing he can do. The girl shocked, stared at him at the ground, her eyes could not comprehend on what she is seeing, blood…lots of blood, all flowing from his back to her now unclothed feet. As she stepped towards him, she kneels down and a burst of tears flooded the earth and cries of lament came shattering towards the heavens.

The boy, knowing his end is near, looks towards her face, both full of tears…they whispered to each other words of encouragement and of melancholy. But as the boy was to say his last words…the girl was taken away briskly. As the girl grasped his hand as tightly as she could, her effort was rendered meaningless. And as they take her away, she tries and tries to escape, she tries and tries to make them take the boy and be cured of his injuries. She screams words of anguish and pity towards the soldiers. The boy can only stare as he watches them take her away from his side…seeing her face full of tears…her eyes full of sadness…her voice screaming the sound of pain…he could only reach out his hand to her. The girl saw this and tried to reach her hands to him…and alas, the boy finally cried his last. His eyesight beginning to darken…”No…Not yet…Please…” as he begged God for mercy…He then saw flashes of his life of the time he was with her. Each memory fading into nothingness as his breath start to weaken.

Then his hand fell…and as the girl saw this, she cried out “NO!!!” And the boy closed his eyes still flowing with tears. The girl’s aggressiveness, her screams, her strong-looking eyes, finally halted. As she saw the body of the one who truly love her. As her strength now depleted, no effort was used to carry her inside a car. And there she pondered to herself “Why…all we ever wanted was to be with each other…to be free…was that too much to ask…?”

As she stared blankly into the sky…with tears flowing still…she continues to ask God “Why?”

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Writer’s note: this little story of mine was written more than a year ago. (about May of 2007)
i was so sad when i wrote this. i am in love with a woman i cannot have. rather…a woman that is too good for me. until now…whenever i read this, it reminds me of how i really love her. its supposed to be a prequel to a series (i have 2 more episodes, but i won’t post them since they lack feelings) but i haven’t got the time lately due to school and other stuff that require to be prioritized.

feedback is always welcome