The 9th Soul

I used to love college math

Posted in life, Special posts by Fated Blue on April 5, 2021


Differential Calc, Integral Calc, Physical Chemistry, Geometry, and Statistics were some of my favorite subjects. Don’t get me wrong; I sucked at them, but there’s a different thrill about how one wrong decimal point or symbol can mean repeating the subject again next semester.

There was a time when you can show me an entire whiteboard’s length of math and I’d have the answer in less than five minutes, sometimes even without a calculator if the problem was simple enough.


In fact, one of my professors even noticed, during afternoon recitation, how I was able to answer math problems without even writing them down – solving it all inside my head. This professor would write a problem down and I’d be among the first ones to have their hands up to answer. At least, I’d be the first one who wasn’t shy about answering.

After class was over, she asked me about how I was able to do that. I said “I solve the numbers separately inside my head, and combine them afterwards.”


The best way I can describe it is it was a lot like playing with a Rubik’s Cube, but instead of following the rules of the Cube, you disassemble the damn thing and reassemble it with all the colored cubes on the same side. You would still arrive at the same answer, but your method would be unorthodox and would not be accepted in the actual tests, thus resulting to a few deducted points. I didn’t care back then, but sometimes I wish I did because maybe I would have gotten a medal or two.


Today, I see a math problem and I no longer recognize the symbols I once loved writing. I am more likely to type a simple, gradeschool equation in Google than mentally solve it, and quite frankly I don’t mind.


Nothing lasts forever, and that allows us to appreciate them while we still have the opportunity to do so. A world where nothing fades is a world where no one cares about anything or each other.

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Learning Japanese through an app: 17 weeks

Posted in life by Fated Blue on January 5, 2020

It’s 17 weeks since I started learning Japanese from an app and let me tell you, it helped me a lot during our vacation in Sapporo.

I was capable of reading labels (around 50%) without Google translate, I handled short conversations without panicking or looking up words, and I literally helped some tourists from Tokyo find their way to a train station going to a mountain view spot in complete Japanese.

I also Japanese’d my way with taxi drivers and train officers whether it was to describe Sapporo or the weather, or if the train is headed to the airport.

Granted, most of the Japanese I used were either in short bursts/phrases or child-level – plus the fact that when taxi drivers start talking to me in like really long sentences (to which I just respond with “okay” or soudesu ne…) – it just surprised me at how much I knew then compared to before I got started.

All this with a free phone app and 30 minutes a day. Imagine how far I could have gotten if I enrolled in formal schooling.

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Bagong Dekada. Bagong Ikaw.

Posted in life, Special posts by Fated Blue on December 10, 2019

Malapit na namang matapos ang isang dekada. Kung di mo pa ginagawa, bitawan mo na.

Mahirap magdala ng mabigat na bagahe na hindi mo naman napapakinabangan lalo na at matagal nang nawala yung tunay nitong may ari.

Sa pagpasok ng bagong taon, travel light nalang tayo.

Puwede na ang backpack. Libre pa ang carry-on.

Mas masayang bumiyahe kung wala kang masyadong bitbit at maluwag mong nagagawa ang lahat ng gusto mo dahil magaan ang pakiramdam mo.

Huwag mo tularan yung mga taong kailangan dala ang buong bahay tuwing may pupuntahan.

Kung ang dala mo ay magpapaalala lang sa’yo ng parte ng buhay mo na nais mo nang kalimutan, bakit bumiyahe ka pa?

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Eight weeks with Anki to Learn Japanese

Posted in life by Fated Blue on October 5, 2019
Eight weeks using free apps to learn Japanese. I downloaded the rest of the parts of the flashcards and was surprised to find out there were ten parts in total. I’m currently working on two separate parts right now because I feel like I can do it given the free time I have.

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Seven weeks with Anki to Learn Japanese

Posted in life by Fated Blue on October 5, 2019

Seven weeks in my Japanese language learning journey with apps.

I’m now able to form proper sentences that are useful for asking directions, choosing what you want to buy, what time you got up, describing the weather, which part of your body hurts, telling someone what you ate today, and how my pet dog got sick and died (yeah, this was an actual example).

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I’m officially an old-year old (30)

Posted in life, Special posts by Fated Blue on September 25, 2019

Title.

I’m no longer young, but I still have youth. I’m a year closer to death, and I’ve never felt more alive. (more…)

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A recurring jolt of pain at the center of my chest

Posted in life, Special posts, Uncategorized by Fated Blue on September 22, 2019

Sometimes…

When I’m alone, somehow thoughts of a “special” someone crash open the gates of my otherwise barricaded subconsciousness. And my thoughts tell me that she’s out there, waiting for something extraordinary to happen to her.

And while she waits, she’ll suffer on the inside as she stays strong on the outside, holding everyone’s shit together like they’re hers.

This happens a lot at night, even more when no one’s at home, especially when I’m listening to some sad Japanese songs during the day.

I feel like she’s waiting for me, and that I should go to her.

…and listening to Aimer makes me feel like she’s in Japan.

I’m just…bothered. I’m almost 30 years old as of this writing (literally three days away), and I’m having an existential crisis manifesting itself as an emotional longing for someone with a similar fate, with the same playing cards I have in life.

Is this temporary? Is this triggered by the breaking of the 30-year barrier? Is this thought valid both mentally and emotionally?

I don’t know. All I know is, right now I feel like she’s waiting for me, and my heart longs for her.

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